Five things that annoy me about crochet

This week hasn’t been a great one for me. I’ve not had anything particularly wrong, just been really tired and unmotivated, so I’ve not really picked up the hooks (although I did attempt Croshame’s Spock Ears, but my wool wasn’t thick enough so they turned out too small and I couldn’t be bothered frogging them to add in an extra row of increases. Excellent pattern though, go check it out, great for Star Trek or any elf based cosplay).

So instead, I thought I’d rant at you.

This post is inspired by a conversation on Facebook. I recently took part in Mad Crochet Lab’s Minion Experiment as you’ll have seen a couple of weeks ago and the ladies are still all in touch. I’m in a different time zone from probably all of them being UK based, so I don’t manage to get in on quite as much of the chatter as I’d like, but I did find myself in a long conversation which started with Miss Mad herself asking about point one on my list. A couple of the other things also stemmed from there, and some are purely from my own rant filled brain. And of course, this list doesn’t include stealing designs or the whole selling issue.

Disclaimer: This is a ‘no offense’ post. You may be offended, but be assured it isn’t my intention. Nothing is aimed at any particular people, it’s just general observation. I love the cro-mmunity, so feel free to hit me upside the head and tell me to get over myself if the need arises in you. I possibly need it this week lol. 

1. Owls

An odd start, considering that only this week I have posted my own knitted Oscar the Owl. This annoyance isn’t as specific as just owls in general, more the fact that there are bloody hundreds of patterns for them out there. Some, probably most, are excellent and gorgeous and I think everyone should make one (a particular favourite is A Morning Cup of Jo Creation’s Baby Owl Ornament, which is cute as heck). But if you search ‘owl’ on Ravelry, in JUST crochet, not including knitting, there are 936 results (if you do add in knitting you get a further 873 results – that’s 1809 owl patterns!). You can’t tell me that all those owls are unique and different. I’ll accept that some are, and even the ones that aren’t are well designed, but by gosh I’m sick of owl patterns – just use one that’s already out there because I can guarantee there’s already something pretty much exactly the same. Especially if it’s in hat form. This annoyance is starting to spread to minions too, and I love minions. But there’s only 83 crochet results on Ravelry for them, so they don’t win the title just yet.

This conversation also lead onto what animals we’d like to see. I want a realistic rhino and a realistic panda, and llamas, otters and a variety of birds were suggested too. Most of which are out there so I’m going to have a dig at some point. The blobfish was also suggested. What do you think?

Maybe not…

2. Frogging

One everyone can relate to. I hate frogging. I will go out my way to not frog something, to the point where I’ll finish an ami, look at it and go ‘crud, should’ve take out those three rows in the middle and continued increasing for a bit instead’. Or similar. Sometimes when I share the pattern, I’ll actually tell you this, or if it’s a change only I would notice from the photo then I’ll use what I would’ve done instead of what I did anyway (this is usually only the case when it’s adding in an extra row, or taking something out that won’t make much difference but makes the work smoother either physically or to actually follow the pattern). In extreme cases I will of course frog and restart (the amount of Giant Rubber Duck based frogging was heart breaking!).

Frogging is something that will never go away, but I think we can all admit that it’s annoying!

3. Baby photos

Another from the conversation on Facebook. My point is that if you’re selling me a hat or booties pattern, or one of those strange photo prop things that I don’t really understand because I’m not a mother, then why does the photo you select for Ravelry have to be one of your child, in the nude, with the product obviously secondary to it being a good photo of your baby (or whoever’s baby you have borrowed)? Yes, I know you want to show it in action, and yes it’s a very cute photo, but surely that’s more relevant to heading the blog post or gracing the front of the pattern download, and for the actual preview pic you want to show a nicely centred, cropped down image of what it is you’ve actually made. I can’t SEE the booties tucked away in the corner of the photo, but I sure can see you son’s butt and I’ll bet that when he’s old enough to access the internet, he won’t be please about it either…

The secondary response to this was about why all the babies look the same – curled up, asleep, in that ‘still in the womb’ sort of pose. The lady asking suggested they all look like those creepily realistic dolls. I’ll let you argue that one amongst yourselves!

4. Afghan charts

I’d love to have the patience to make an Afghan. As it is, making granny squares genuinely confuses me, because I’ve never really devoted the time to sitting down and making one (I know – a crime! I started with crocheting ami’s in the round and haven’t branched out much from there, because flat work takes forever and has to really appeal to me before I’ll try it). Some Afghans I’ve seen are awe-inspiringly gorgeous, and I actually like seeing the photos of them. Which is why sellers who only show a chart get to me. Ok, lovely design work, and I can bet it took ages filling in all those squares on MS Paint or wherever, but what does it actually look like when it’s finished? Show me a photo as well as the chart and I’ll be mightily impressed. Just show me the chart and I’ll assume it’s never been tested and I’ll go looking for something else that has.

5. UK vs US

I just don’t understand why there’re two versions! I’m normally one of those annoying English people who resist the whole Americanisation of my language (it’s trousers! Pants are underwear and if you compliment me on them I’ll wonder if you were spying on me when I got dressed!) but I must say, the US terms for crochet make so much more sense. Sc doesn’t exist in the UK terminology, because UK terminology counts the number of loops on the hook whereas US terminology counts the number of stitches made. It’s just more logical to me.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant at you. Feel free to comment on any of my annoyances, either to agree or shout me down, or even add your own annoyances to the list.

I’m sorry if you’ve just designed an owl…